Marriage, Parenting

I am fighting for my marriage!!!!

Hey there my lovelies…….Now that I have got your attention with the blog title loll πŸ‘€πŸ‘€πŸ˜‹πŸ˜³πŸ€—….. let’s get into the topic of marriage.

I am sure you clicked to read this blog post either because you are searching for a solution on what to do to save your marriage or want to hear gist on how I am “fighting for my marriage” πŸΈβ˜•οΈπŸ˜³πŸ€“πŸ€”…… Well!!!!!!! The gist is that WE are all fighting to have and sustain a good and happy marriage ..(.in my African accent) “yes oooo my sister” πŸ˜‚. can I get a hallelujah!!!! somebody hahaha!!!!!

On a more serious note looking at the definition of the word “fighting” … “To fight” is a negative word ….. so I think I will use positive words ….. how about “Peace for my marriage” or “thriving to have good a marriage” …. what do you think?

This thing called marriage ehh!!!!! Is a SPECIAL thing I tell you… lollll….. Special in the sense that marriage can either make you or completely destroy you….. whoever you “remain” married to is tied to your destiny…… now that is deep!!!!!

The way I see it, to have a good marriage we need to ride out the “lows” and learn from those times so that the relationship can be strengthened. Plus Communication is key!!!! Now that is the “koko” …(translated in English )”my subject matter” lolll… and when I say communication I mean “effective communication” (and not a bash of vile words against each other πŸ€“)…..However these are just my thoughts on tips of having a some what liveable marriage …..

Ps – I am no expert ooo… just doing my rant as I normally do loll…..

As I was saying πŸ€“πŸ€“…..I tend to read a lot especially on key areas of my life and “my marriage” is one of those areas…. my motto is …..in life you “gats” to equip yourself all the time.

I was reading my pastor’s blog this morning which propelled me into deep thoughts!!!πŸ€”πŸ€”πŸ€”πŸ€” hmmm!!! ……. (voice in my head was like –“Omo” what this man of God is saying is true oooo and can help in this journey called marriage) see his post on headship and submission in marriage —–link- https://chidogideon.com/2018/04/11/marriage-headship-submission/ ) thank me later 😘😘

There was a study done , which found out that about 60 percent of marriages which ended in divorce were not bad marriages, but average. They had average levels of positive interactions and average levels of conflict. Basically, these marriages were “good enough” but could be improved. In my African accent again ….. “see eh!!!”…..Most marriages go through emotional ups and downs – times of great happiness and times of boredom and fatigue. Then when you ….can’t/ won’t/fail to/ or simply don’t know how to communicate with your spouse…(hand on head)… just know disaster is looming ….. in my African accent …. “me sef I “ham” ….listening to my own typed wordsπŸ™ˆπŸ€”πŸ˜œ…..

Say this with me …. “I need to learn how to effectively communicate with my spouse”

Plus knowing WHEN to communicate …. “cos”( yes I said “cos”…. too lazy to be typing BECAUSE Lolll!!!!) ….. as a woman trying to communicate with your husband at the “WRONG” time can be viewed by him as NAGGING…. I should know because (😜😁) I am a PROFESSIONAL NAGGER ( ask my husband he will confirm it lollll)

At a celebrate marriage group in church we had a discussion on understanding when to communicate with your spouse by watching and discussing on a video about the difference between a man’s brain and a woman’s brain … (see YouTube Video below)

https://youtu.be/fTPUhMdfvzw

This YouTube video rather dramatically explains male-female differences in the brain to make the point that men are quite content to think about nothing, or perhaps to just to think about one thing at a time. Women, by contrast, tend to think about multiple things at once.

I am a woman so I can not be 100% certain about the man’s perspective but, according to this dude a man’s brain is made up of boxes and there is a mysterious box called a nothing box. Where a man will just sits there doing and thinking about NOTHING!!! …. Voice in my head again saying ….”see gobe…. (translated in English…… “see me see trouble” hahha)…. how is this even possible…..

Thinking about it now … there are times where I have gone up to my husband and poured out my whole heart talking about one million things at the same time and this dude (my KING 😊) will just have a blank stare on his face changing channels with the TV remote control…….

I am like are you even listening to me ….

what is wrong with “yaaaaaaaa”!!!!!

what are you thinking about … arghhh!!!

why are you not talking back!!!! Lolll …..

and his response is always …. I am thinking about “NOTHING” …..lolll

Right there … what I fail to see a lot of the time is that this dude (my KING) is tired and all he wants is some peace and down time lollllπŸ™ˆπŸ™ˆπŸ™ˆ…. “cos” he is in his NOTHING box….. hahahhaha

Phew!!!!!!! relationships/marriage is hard and I pray everyday …. that I don’t visit the divorce route …. cos that on it’s own is a painful journey ….πŸ˜ͺ

So my dears, if your relationship is at a low point and you wonder what happened to the spark, don’t give up… keep on trying …maybe try therapy, marriage counselling, praying, talking to each other…. etc remember you once loved this person ….there is still hope … hang in there (this is what I tell myself)

Sadly, in some situations my comments above don’t/ won’t work and people end up getting divorced , homes broken, children deeply affected, depression etc ….. if you fall in that category…… I pray peace and healing over you … in Jesus name .. amen

Before I write a book let me stop here lolll…. go watch the YouTube video and let me know what your thoughts are about this “nothing box” 😁😊..

More rant to come xooxoxox

Ps…. English is not my first language (says a girl who speaks only English lolll)…. my writing style is like me talking to my close friends, thus I use a lot of slangs or may even sound grammatically wrong ….plus I am naija babe … 😘😘 so gramma police … please be kind to me as you read my blog posts lolll

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